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Why doesn’t he ever give me gifts? Why can’t she give me the encouragement that I need? What will it take for him to do his share of the chores at home? It would be nice to hear that she appreciates me.
These individuals are not just filing complaints with their partners. They are sincerely puzzled as to why their loved ones do not demonstrate love in ways that seem so obvious to them. The source of this disappointment is usually a misunderstanding about which different expressions of love are most important to their partners, and vice versa. Each of us has our own expectations and ways of expressing love due to our different life experiences.
This topic was the subject of a book,The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Due to his theological background, Dr. Chapman uses biblical references in his writing on the subject, but here I will discuss the topic within a secular context.
Let’s take one example of how an expression of love may have a very different meaning to the giver vs. the receiver. Many of us can remember how wonderful it was to have the complete attention of a parent when we were children, even it was for just an hour or two. It may have been time playing outdoors, a special shopping trip, cooking together, watching TV together, or just having time to talk. Your appreciation of that time together might lead you to prioritize such shared activities as expressions of love.
In contrast, your significant other might be looking for a very different sign of love. He may be feeling a greater need for words of encouragement from you. He may not ask you for such encouragement because he assumes that you know what he needs and that you are just unwilling or unable to give love in that way. As a result of not receiving this type of love from you, he may feel less loved by you.
Are you struggling to find the perfect words to express your feelings to someone you love deeply? There are many love words, from terms that refer to newly discovered romantic feelings to deep words for love that has lasted through many trials and tribulations.
Sometimes you can say, "I love you" by telling the other person what they are to you or what they mean to you. Consider a selection of options that all start with the word "you."
As you can see, there are many ways to talk about love. For even more options, explore a selection of idioms about love or browse some romantic quotes. If you can't find the right words to describe your emotions, try one of 50 untranslatable words for love and life. What matters, ultimately, is that the one you love knows how you feel.
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