words of validation love language

April 22, 2023 Post a Comment

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The love languages are one of the most popular concepts in relationship psychology today. It’s likely you’ve already heard of the love languages, know which languages are yours, and now are looking for more guidance on one of these: the words of affirmation love language.

The 5 Love Languages were created by author Gary Chapman, and published in a 1992 bookThe 5 Love Languages.Since its appearance, this book has been read by millions across the world.

The first step to understanding the Five Love Languages is discovering which ones you best respond to. The simplest way to do this is by taking the official quiz. Although you may already have an idea of which love languages you’re drawn to. I didn’t need a test to tell me that, far and away, my primary Love Language is Words of Affirmation.

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I can’t get enough of being told I’m loved and cared for. I can never hear the words “I love you” too often. I adore compliments and sweet words and meaningful cards and letters. Words are my thing, both how I most feel loved and how I best express my love to others.

Essentially, this is a verbal affirmation love language. A person who prefers this language feels most affirmed when they hear verbal confirmation of the fact. Put more plainly, Words of Affirmation include encouraging words, compliments, kind remarks, and even romantic poems. To feel best-loved, these individuals must hear it spoken to them (or written to them–or even texted!). Let’s dive in further.

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Never heard of love languages? Introduced by Gary Chapman’s best-selling 2015 book, love languages are ways of communicating based on methods to speak and understand love. There are five different types: quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation (which, according to Chapman, is the most common love language). Knowing your partner's love language is important because it clues you in as to the best way to show them how much you care. You may think your partner wants to feel showered with thoughtful presents (receiving gifts) when really they would so much more appreciate you cleaning the kitchen for them (acts of service).

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"People whose love language is words of affirmation like their partner to use words to express their love," says sex and relationship expert Jess O'Reilly, PhD. But if you don't consider yourself good with words, being in a relationship with someone whose love language is words of affirmation seem challenging. But Dr. O'Reilly says it's really not.

“A primary human need in any meaningful personal relationship is to feel “affirmed,” i.e., seen, valued, and validated by the other person,” says Aditi Paul, PhD, a professor and relationship researcher at Pace University in New York. “Meeting this need with the use of verbal communication—written or spoken—constitutes what Chapman calls the ‘words of affirmation’ love language.” Words of affirmation, she adds, can include compliments, appreciation, and acknowledgement of your partner.

Furthermore, Dr. Paul adds that since the purpose of the words of affirmation love language is to provide your partner with thoughtful feedback, listening to your partner with empathy and intent is also key.

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